Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
