used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
