ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
