Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Houston, we have a blender
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize