I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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