Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
