omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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