now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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