omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
