I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
