Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
