What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
