Im at strip club and am horny
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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