just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
