I am full of burrito and curiosity
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
