i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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