i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
