Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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