I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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