My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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