why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
