I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
not ubering you a puppy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
