I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
