That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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