So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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