he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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