i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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