Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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