I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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