I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
