so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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