the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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