grandma shit on top of the toilet
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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