I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
