I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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