I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
