There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
