Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You are the jesus of drinking
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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