I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she told me i tasted like america
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
