mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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