sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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