First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
