Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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