he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.