The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
