Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
