I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
