Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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