At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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