How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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