On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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