grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
well you can't waste a boner
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
