I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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