Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
