Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
