the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
