Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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