end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
