both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These tits shall not be calmed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
