DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
